I am sitting here re-reading the book “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown. I am doing this because after my last session with my energy specialist, I know that I am carrying a lot of shame. My heart center has blockage, which is probably no surprise to anyone close to me. I tend to be a bit guarded unless you have earned my trust and even then, it takes work for me to let you in.
I sit here and think about what started this shame. I was 5 years old and all I wanted is to fit in. This older boy made me believe that if I did what he wanted then I would fit in. At the same time, he told other kids that I was fat and ugly and whatever else you can think of at that age. He isolated me. I didn’t like doing the things that he made me do but I also didn’t want to be alone.
I carry the shame that I should have known better. That only if I could have found someone that I could trust that wouldn’t turn their back on me calling me a liar, that then I would have been free. It is really hard for me to talk about the years that I had with him, as I do carry so much shame. I know it wasn’t my fault and it was truly circumstances but it is hard for me to not feel like I was somehow the one to blame.
I’m hoping one day that I can write a book and help people with their own abuse. But for now I take it one day at a time. I’ve started talking about the memories as they come up. The hurt that I felt/feel. And I let my energy specialist help me to release all the negative energy that I’ve held onto for years. I am getting better every day and I am in the happiest part of my life right now because I have been working on me. I now know my worth and I am learning to own my shame so one day I can live free.Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-