Our dog went missing on Thursday night which brought on a lot of emotions and thoughts. First thing I did was take to facebook, which brought in a couple of responses. This lead me to crying and leaving work because one of the responses was that a neighbor thought she was hit by another car in front of them. I’ve only been in my job for four months and wow is what I can say. People dropped what they were doing to help me close up my desk and leave. Then a couple of people came straight to find me when they were done with my shift. They went around to the neighborhoods to see if anyone saw her.

In the meantime, my family searched the area that it was thought that she was hit. No sign of her. We had went through a neighbor’s yard to get to that area- someone that I had not met before. He jumped in his car to search. My son had been walking around trying to find her and several people started searching with him. Friends on facebook jumped in their cars to search. No sign of her anywhere.

I fell apart that evening. Yes, I missed her dearly- she is the happiest but scaredest dog I know- you know boxers, the moment that you walk into the room they are so happy to see you wiggling everything they have. She would have done anything to please her family. She got off her collar because she was afraid of the flags near the new homes. That made her bolt across the street which led to a whole new set of fears for her.
But I was also so worried for my kids- A because he was the one walking her, E- because she had a special bond with her, and K- because the bond was different (medical) but they also had a bond like no other. I was also so overwhelmed by the support that I experience from so many people including people I don’t know. I learned the power of facebook that night and if you want something to spread quickly- there is a way through facebook.

I went to bed late as I kept checking the doors, barely slept and officially got up at 4am. I went straight to the doors again to check for her- still not here. I paced around for the next two hours- during this time, E came to me and said she felt bad for not spending time with her lately because of school and activities. I was a mess with no sleep. Then, around 6- I knew I needed coffee and I forgot to get some to make. So I thought about going to our local coffee shop but this made me break. See, everytime I go there (and quite possibly too much), I bring our sweet girl. It is her favorite routine- go for a ride to get a treat! She wasn’t home to go and this killed me. I knew I needed sleep, so I fell asleep on the couch for an hour which led to K and I going out searching one more time.

In this time, I had so many people reach out to me on how they could help. I started to realize how focused that we as people get on the bad. There was a shooter, people are crazy, out to get you… This opened my eyes to the goodness out there. So many prayers have been received it is truly amazing.

My original post had 81 shares and 93 comments +plus all the comments that it got when I shared to swap and shop.
My lost dogs post got 455 shares (no I am not kidding- wow) and again many comments.
I took to the vet and rescue pages. another 100 shares. I’ve had several people reach out by messenger to help.
My husband who works out of town had several people that don’t live near here saw they saw my post on facebook (I’m not friends with them there)- it spread that far.

Just stop and think about how far this all went. We are talking about 700 possible shares and maybe more that I don’t even know about. hundreds of comments and so many that just jumped in a car to search. Amazing- God is powerful!

So I did get overwhelmed and consumed by this in the last few days. I wanted to find her and nothing else mattered. I forgot to let God control it. I’m not saying that I stop trying to look but I can’t let it control my life. So in Church yesterday, I was pretty depressed- Sunday School helped to take my mind of of everything for a moment. Then Church- wow- sometimes a sermon was meant for you. Discontentment. It leads to a spiral of negativity and so much worse. Contentment with God, leads to happiness. It is easy to go crazy when all you see is dark but letting go and letting God can work wonders. I trust that the Lord is moving- I mean the testimony is in the way the word has spread. So now I need to sit back and let Him work. While I continue to do His work that He has meant for me.

We miss our girl deeply and pray for a safe return. But we must now stop the bickering and depression in the house and trust that God is faithful. Please continue to pray for us. Thank you for all that have supported us. If you see her, you know what to do- call us- call the vet- or get someone very calm, very gentle with treats that will let her come to you. She is scared.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

KK’s recent diabetes scare

It’s been a couple weeks now since KK ended herself up back where we started a few years ago- a DKA status in the hospital. This is the hard thing with diabetes. It does not take a break no matter how much the person wants to. This was enough to wake her up to what she wants- which is the pump finally. She has been working hard to get this but this also means middle of the night checks by mom.

This is a tough one but it’s my daughter and I want the best for her. I have seen great improvements since she has been managing everything better. I have been stepping in more which when I was in the hospital with her and going through these pump classes, I realized that I should have been more involved than I have been. My question though is how do your force a 15 year old to do what she has to. The answer is by staying on her, watching her do it, offering to do some of the shots and make it okay. She has been pulling more and more away from me the last couple years and its been hard to fight every battle but all we every want for our children is for them to be healthy.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Where have I been

Hello All!

Sorry it’s been so long since I posted. I have been dealing with so much lately and have not had much opportunity to write. This is probably the best time to be writing as it is life and well the journey that many of us embark on. There are so many struggles that we find ourselves in and so many ways to deal with these struggles.

Some of us turn to anger and take it out on others. Some turn to fear and spend much time crying. Others turn to planning and making lists in order to find a way out- maybe avoiding what really is going on. Which version are you?

I find myself to be a mix of all 3 but weighing strongly towards the lists or finding ways to focus my time on everything else. I have recently put myself back in real estate – I never really stopped it but recently made a big come back as I need to be home more and working outside of the home is not a great option. Real estate takes a lot of work and time away. Working part time until I launch this is actually taking more time away from everything than I wanted. I am considering finding a night job at this point.  But this is where I have been – a scheduled out day to its max and trying to balance everything else in life.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

An Inspirational Run

As I do many times while running, I was thinking about a blog that I’m going to write. Today was going to be all about my journey recently and how today marked the day that I am starting my running journey again. I will get to that in a minute but I first have to talk about what happened at mile 1 today. I was in the midst of thinking about how would say yet again I will never run a marathon when my cardinal friend visited me out of no where and stronger came on at the same time, by Mandisa.

So let me tell you a little about my cardinal friend. He and his family started to visit our home shortly after mom passed and I knew she was with me. He has made an appearance several times when I’ve needed it. The last day we were moving out of our house, just 2 days ago. I let him know that he would need to come see us at the new house now. Every time I see him or smell the lilacs- I saw hi mom as I know she is with me.

So today, I’m thinking about how it’s been a month since I ran 3 miles and probably a month before that since running 4. I’ve ran a mile here and there but not well. We have been focusing so much on moving and cleaning and making the house perfect for the graduation party that I let everything go. (so glad for my Plexus supplements and business to help fill in the blanks during this time)

But I’ve been looking to the runs that I have or want to sign up for soon. I have a 10k at the end of next month. I’ve never ran that far before and I really want to sign up for a 15k in Sept- it’s at Jesse James days!!! So that means I need to get my focus back on. Then I was thinking about how my marathon runner friend said to me at the last race we both did, that I just need to focus myself on the distance not how far I run but how far I go. It is okay to walk just get yourself to the distance you want to go, the speed will come.

At that moment I was like I will never run a marathon, I do not want to run 26 miles ever. That will take me forever and it is just not for me. Seriously that was the very moment the cardinal came, I recognized the markings to know it was my friend. I thought to myself my angel is here cheering me on and stronger started playing and I’m like oh wow God is really trying to talk to me right now and tell me that I’m being made stronger. That whole song was my best run during the 3 miles that I ran.

That inspiration was amazing. The next 3 songs that I heard was about doing too much and rushing through life, which is partly why I haven’t blogged in a while so I will take heed and rest a bit more.

Ephesians 6: 10-11
10 Finally, let the Lord make you strong. Depend on his mighty power. 
11 Put on all of God’s armor. Then you can stand firm against the devil’s evil plans.
Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Why not Why

A few weeks back, I was telling a co-worker how I told a friend that she needs to stop letting her daughter watch 13 Reasons Why. I forgot to mention the part or maybe I didn’t get the opportunity to, where I said to stop until you can watch and have discussion. My co-worker jumped on me and said why do you hate this show so bad? So let me explain.

It is not that I hate the show; I haven’t watched it yet to say that. I know the premise and from what I have heard so far, this is not a show you let a kid just watch. I am really not sure if I will ever watch it. I feel I should to get the full knowledge and understanding but I am afraid of how close to home it will hit.  Let me start by saying Suicide is NeVeR the answer. No, never. Seriously, never. Okay now that I’ve said that. I will admit that when I was in high school, I attempted twice and thought about it probably nonstop.

I was severely bullied from a very young age. While I see the point of understanding the perspective of those who are being bullied, I need to point out both sides of this. You may think your kid is perfect. They are happy and outgoing. Everything is great. Let me tell you that is not always the case. Discussions from both points need to happen when watching a show of this caliber.

My parents are/ were awesome. Don’t get me wrong, we had our parent/ child moments like all kids but they are the most caring people that I know. But they were clueless when it came to all the issues that I was having. They thought I was just shy; later years thought I was nothing but trouble but they did not know the pain I was feeling until the first time I tried to kill myself.

Kids hide this part of them well. They are depressed or stressed to the point that they do not see an answer and are afraid to ask for help. This is sad but truthful and don’t think because you have the most open relationship with your kids that this will be different. They know how to hide this stuff well.

Now on to the points of the 13 reasons. Okay so now that you have had the talk with your kids about how no matter the reason, it is never a good one to commit suicide. Talk to someone, find anyone that can help you, not just a friend. We’d love for it to be us, your parents but whoever you trust that is an adult- talk to them!

13 takes you through a series of people who have made this girl feel awful. Each episode bring you through this. A big point is that maybe just one of these things would never be enough to push someone but all together is too much. So now is the time to talk to your kid about no matter how small it seems to them, it may be huge or the thing that breaks the camel’s back. Do not pick on others, especially if you think it is to fit in. If others are doing it, this person has had enough.

I would tell my kids to be the one to friend that person and show them someone cares but it is not easy for all kids to be that way. Also, you don’t want them to get sucked into a world of drama so a good time to remind them of their values and how to stay true to them no matter what.

As a parent, I have 3 kids that are pretty open with me. 2 for sure. The one, he’s a boy and has a hard time relating everything to me but he doesn’t hold back either. My forth one, however, I have to drag things out of her and I don’t always know what is true. This is a struggle so of course, I have talked to them all about this show. Asked them not to watch unless I do. One admitted to watching the first episode and said several of her friends love it but she thought it was stupid.

As a youth leader, we have also discussed it. I was amazed by how many parents have talked to their kids about it, some said no you will not watch, some said you can watch but we discuss it all, and there was 1 or 2 that didn’t talk to them about it or care what they did with it. We talked about where to go for help and what our beliefs are on the topic. Great discussion.

So there you have it, I am not saying no. I am not saying don’t watch. I am simply saying topics like this one NeEd to be thoroughly discussed.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Working Around the House

We purchased a new home recently and it is funny, we are doing so much work to it. We are changing the style to be us really. I am happy with many of the changes but it is a lot of work. The last time we bought a home, we painted everything within a few days and I said I would never do that again. Yet here I am painting away.

It is funny how we each perceive work.  As you know I did the strengths finder and I really do believe that explains a lot. For me, I need a checklist. I need to make sure that everything is in perfect working order and then I achieve it. It can take me extra time when doing something because I want it done right the first time. I want it to be at its best and when it is not, I get very frustrated.

Others just want to get as much done as possible so they can move on to the next project figuring that if something isn’t perfect, they will either come back to it or it is okay to have some imperfection. Others just want to make other people happy so they don’t care about the work itself, as long as the person is happy in the end with it.

I do believe that knowing these things is powerful. It helps to know that an achiever may take a little extra time to get there but it will be done right (that has to do with my individualization too, I like to get to know a person). Where someone else who cares more about other things may do it fast but their success may be in a different area. It helps to build a strong team based on strengths. You give those who are stronger in certain areas the tasks that will make them thrive and the whole team will work well together.

Well enough with my thoughts of the day. Back to work, I must go. Here’s a teaser of what we have accomplished thus far.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Remaining Faithful

A little more than a year ago, I really started practicing my faith again. Not just going to Church occasionally and praying when needed. I started volunteering. This was my first step. I then opened my Bible and went to a Bible study that helped me to understand more of what I needed to do.

Life is eventful, it doesn’t go how we planned, it takes twists and turns and can lead to darkness. I have been struggling in my job for a long while now. It has stressed me out and pulled me away from my family, leaving me on edge. I applied for a few jobs over the last year. Many without any success, some with an interview, and a few that I really thought would be perfect but nothing happened.

About 2 months ago, I was really excited for this one job. I thought for sure I was going to get it. Again, nothing- this one I really think it was the money that I was asking for… But I did not give up hope throughout this time. I trusted that God had me in my job for a reason and the right job was right around the corner.

My husband and I decided to buy a house. You do not make a job change during this time or else it could mean a lot of paperwork and sometimes a denial… So I decided, I will give my job one final try. I would work my butt off to see if things changed and maybe discover why God has kept me here.

A few weeks ago, in pure frustration, I pulled out my phone and applied for this job in town. I’ve applied with this company before and never heard a peep. That was a few years ago. So, I applied for the job through Indeed fully thinking that I would not hear a thing. Not the case. I got an email within a couple of days from hr saying I’d like to do a 30-40 min phone interview. I thought wow that is long for a phone interview, probably will end up around 20 mins.

No, it was the full 40 mins and it was like talking to an old friend- okay about my previous jobs and my talents… and many other job related things so not really a conversation that I have with my friends but seriously it went so well. I was asked to come in the following Wed for a in person interview with 3 other people. Now this was awesome. I tell you, it was home. I walked in and from the moment, I walked through that door, it felt like this is where I belong. It wasn’t about trying to impress, although I did have to do that. It was home… I can’t explain it in any other way. They wanted me to start as soon as possible but settled for me putting in my 2 week notice. Which I couldn’t do right away anyway. New home closing was 1 week from that interview.

I truly believe God has a plan for our lives. If we are just patient and trust in Him, He will reveal it to us in His timing. Many times we will figure out why we have to wait. I know that this was lined up ever so perfectly for my life (as the next day after the interview, things went south at my current job and I decided that I would be done no matter what- I hadn’t got the official word from HR that I was moving forward until later that Thurs even though those I interviewed with very much hinted towards it). We closed on our new home last week and I start my new job next week.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

I am a runner

Today I was out running and this happens frequently while running. I was thinking about how I need to get my speed down. How if I do not do this, how I can’t be considered a runner. My time is not good enough. Then I flash back to when I was that kid- kids made me believe I was fat and slow. I was not skinny but by no means when I look at my pictures do I see fat. But…

At that time I believed them. I was not athletic and I hated the mile run. I always came in as one of the last kids to finish.  This was torturous. I mean seriously it stressed me out. First because I knew that I couldn’t run it. Second, I knew that I would come in last and third because I knew that I would be teased.

So now back to me being a runner. I have worked hard to tell myself this.  Why? because I started to think you are a fake, you can’t do this. What are you thinking? You have a bad hip and back. This isn’t going to work out. You are still fat and you think you can run that? It is so hard to overcome the past and move on but guess what?

I have been running for 1 year. I started racing in June of last year and start practicing now. I walked part of my first race and it took me 50 minutes to complete, if not a little more. Today, I can do it under 40 and working on getting it under 36 mins. My first mile that I did today was 11:30! The wind psyched me out so my second mile had more walking and was tough, plus that is the part with the huge hill but I still ran that part. Yes, I powered through those thoughts.

I am strong and am capable. I AM a RuNnEr!

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

A Sunday School Lesson

I teach 2nd grade Sunday school, which is a complete joy, even though 12 eight year-olds can be rough. Yesterday, I got to learn the lesson. There is this sweet, very energetic girl in my class. She is a girl that I have thought about before as she seems to be “left out”. The other girls tolerate her but also seem to not make a point to sit by her. I noticed this a while back but since I didn’t really know, I let it go.  She is the sweetest girl to them- when one comes in late, she’ll say, “yay, so and so is here” or like yesterday, “I get to sit by so and so, this is exciting since it’s been so long”.

So this brings me to yesterday. This girl was very energetic, as usual. She was moving things around, interrupting others, and just loud. So when she was trying to move something or fiddle, I put my hand on top of hers to get her to stop. She turned it into the game where you try to get your hand on top. So we played that for a while and had a small conversation while still keeping the lesson going. She said to me that my skin was so fair compared to hers (yes, this is very true, as I am very pale).

I explained how I have Swedish in my background and she replied with how she has a very little Native American in hers. I said that was the same as my dad, who also has a very little French in him. I said how he was much darker than me, like her. I told her I take after my mom, who was also very pale. She than said that she hopes that she doesn’t take after her mom. I asked her why and her reply was that she was f a t. It did take me a second to figure out what she meant (kind of cute spelling it out- like us parents tend to do when we don’t want super young kids to understand us).

I turned to her and said you know that can play into health, a medical type condition. She, then, said to me that they think her mom might have diabetes.  I told her that I have a daughter with diabetes and she looked shocked. I said there are different kinds and this is not something that you can help because it is something in the body. I told her how K has to take up to 5 shots a day because of hers and her mouth dropped. She wanted to meet her.

Oh how I wish I had the time to really talk to her. After, we huddled for a game and she wanted to be close to me. She needed contact- she didn’t mind the hand game because she needed that. After all this, I just felt like she puts on this tough act because she is craving the attention. She talks all the time, interrupts all the time, is very distracting to the class- you know the kid that I’m talking about if you ever been in a classroom.

Have you ever stopped to think about this kid? The longer that I work with the kids in the Church, the more I realize that this is their safe place. They want to thrive. There is no judgement. I remember volunteering when my kids were little in there 2nd grade math class. There was this boy that was like this and I remember the teacher telling me that it is sad because the parents of this boy did not care. She or the school would call them and they would not do anything about his behavior. They didn’t come to anything or participate at all. So in a way the school was raising this kid. This is sad.

Back to Sunday school; I’ve seen kids who are so shy, open up and really participate. They have so much fun. They just want to feel a part of something and this is somewhere that they can go to learn and know that they are cared about.  By now, you are probably wondering how I was able to have so much side conversation. I co-teach and this was my week off. So I sit with the kids and “learn” with them. I participate and help to keep those who are a bit more energetic to keep peace. It is an awesome experience to be on both ends of the teaching and learning.

I love my journey in giving back.

Matthew 28:19-20:
Go therefore and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, teaching them to observe all that I have commanded you. And behold, I am with you always, to the end of the age.”

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Life is Interesting

I’ve had a pretty hard life. Some people tell me they don’t know how I do it and honestly many days, I don’t either. I see so many people struggle and have it much worse than me. I praise God for what I do have. I’ve been broken and sometimes wonder when I will break again. I been bullied and scared to the point of I was not sure what tomorrow would bring. I prayed through these times that God would pull me through.

I know that each one of these struggles made me who I am today. Sure I have broken moments but I am so incredibly strong. My heart is so full of love and compassion that I can hardly contain it. I have forgiven many that maybe didn’t deserve forgiveness. I haven’t lost my temper when many would have gone off the deep end at someone. I am strategic in my every word and action. I know these things have made me that way but I am so proud of who I am, who I have become.

I look forward to the person I will continue to grow into. Today has been an interesting day. The first moment that I looked at my phone, I had a message from someone I went to school with. They asked me for my forgiveness on they way they treated me in school. The thing is, I did a long time ago. I learned a long time ago it is better to forgive than to hold on to anger. We had become friends on facebook a while back and I’ve seen who he has grown into. The truth is that for this particular person, I know they were mean to me but not like others so I really couldn’t tell you anything that stuck out. Name calling, maybe blocking me from going somewhere but nothing in comparison to others.

I know that is sad to say. I have forgiven the others as well. There is always the one that I have forgiven and prayed about. Maybe one day, I will finish my book and I’ll actually tell the story but until then you may get a glimpse of this person here and there. Life is funny, you can take those hard times and really live in them. Let them take you down and not recover. OR You can let them drive you to do something. I do believe this is why I am an achiever. I want to prove that I am smarter and can do anything. But I also know that this has made me a person that can handle things in a way that many can’t.

I will always put my trust and faith in the Lord. I am the woman that when the feet hit the floor, the devil says oh crap she’s up. I encourage you to learn what makes you stronger, focus your energy on doing well at it, and show the world you are beautiful from the inside out. Let the Lord shine through you. This is why I write and share.

Much love to you all!

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-