I am sitting here re-reading the book “The Gifts of Imperfection” by Brene Brown. I am doing this because after my last session with my energy specialist, I know that I am carrying a lot of shame. My heart center has blockage, which is probably no surprise to anyone close to me. I tend to be a bit guarded unless you have earned my trust and even then, it takes work for me to let you in.

I sit here and think about what started this shame. I was 5 years old and all I wanted is to fit in. This older boy made me believe that if I did what he wanted then I would fit in. At the same time, he told other kids that I was fat and ugly and whatever else you can think of at that age. He isolated me. I didn’t like doing the things that he made me do but I also didn’t want to be alone.

I carry the shame that I should have known better. That only if I could have found someone that I could trust that wouldn’t turn their back on me calling me a liar, that then I would have been free. It is really hard for me to talk about the years that I had with him, as I do carry so much shame. I know it wasn’t my fault and it was truly circumstances but it is hard for me to not feel like I was somehow the one to blame.

I’m hoping one day that I can write a book and help people with their own abuse. But for now I take it one day at a time. I’ve started talking about the memories as they come up. The hurt that I felt/feel. And I let my energy specialist help me to release all the negative energy that I’ve held onto for years. I am getting better every day and I am in the happiest part of my life right now because I have been working on me. I now know my worth and I am learning to own my shame so one day I can live free.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Perfectionism is killing me

Okay, so not literally but I realized this morning how much it is hurting me. I’m reading this book about shame and perfectionism. You don’t really think about how much this all hurts you, you just do. I am a perfectionist and today I realized all the things that I limit myself on because I know it won’t be perfect. See, I used to clean my house everyday, so great but was criticized for missing an area or not doing something to another’s standards. I was picked on as a kid for running slow (this one, I haven’t overcame as much as I thought). I haven’t tried so many things for fear of failure.

My house, I honestly don’t clean like I used to and many times, I am doing the scramble clean that many of us do. I realized recently that I have been beating myself up for not running and now realize that I am probably running even less because I feel I can’t run. Like my running is all the way back to square run and I failed. I know that this last year has taught me a lot and I have faced fears and went forward to try but part of that was the perfectionism taking over, as well. See I had not missed a run until the taper and that was only because I had to go to another event. I did not plan anything for those Saturdays because I was afraid to run that far on my own. I would have given up much sooner, if I did.

Sunday morning, I knew there was a great chance that I would finish with the injury I had and the pace that it created after. But I could not, not start. I had told everyone that I was running that marathon. I couldn’t let people down but not even starting. After the race, I even thought maybe I shouldn’t say anything about the 1/2 that I have planned in a few weeks, as then I don’t have to do it if I don’t want to. I feel like I’m starting over with everything again and really I should stay focused on the plan (perfectionism- plan it out, if you are going to fail, quit so there is no shame). I hold myself to this standard that is impossible to reach and then give up before failure. I don’t want to be made fun of or even hurt myself by being so disappointed. The thing is, I am so glad that I only did 12 miles on that run. It did teach me a lot. And oh my gosh the support that I’ve had since. It was not a failure, it was just imperfect and that is okay.

Yes, I’m learning this and have a long, long way to go to perfect the imperfect. Sorry bad joke.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience- Colossians 3:12Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

A common way that we sin

1 Corinthians 8:12- You are sinning against Christ when you sin against other Christians by encouraging them to do something they believe is wrong.

This about this verse for just a minute. Meditate on it and tell me what comes to you. It is important that we all understand that each verse in the Bible speaks to us as different parts of our life in different ways. We do don’t all get the same interpretation as the next person. They will be similar but will mean something different.

God gives us each our own paths and what is His calling for one is not His calling for another. Again, some people may have a similar path- such as a calling to be a Pastor- but they don’t have the same road map at all. That is why we each have our favorites to listen to. One may draw me in more while the other is driving you.

So now to what this verse made me think of today. Stephen Hawkings passed away recently and wow all the judgment on that man for not being a believer. It is not our place to judge him and maybe this is a bad example as according to him, God had no leading in his life. But I still believe God was there. He was a miracle- he was not to live as long as he did and his brain- wow! Okay, so I wish he could have seen God in his life here and maybe he did before he left this earth but we do not know God’s judgement on him so we must not judge. Do not bully someone after they passed.

Okay so now on to what else came to mind while reading this verse for me. Social media really as a whole. News stories with a response section as well. I’ve seen how much these things light up with responses because people strongly don’t believe the same way as another person. Every single one of our presidents are great examples on this. Now I’m not saying we don’t have a right to discussion on the topic but we judge the person’s path while discussing what they are doing. We need to stand up to a change that will affect the greater mass in a negative way- yes. But all the name calling and bullying that goes on with it- is what NEEDS to stop.

Christians get a bad name for doing this. The ones who like to say someone is finally rotting in hell because they didn’t believe- what??? Or that another person is going to hell for living their lifestyle that is definitely not a calling for them. Or they call them names based on some biased opinion. Those who cast the first stones…. We need to stop doing this. Yes God has his set of rules and yes we need to follow them but when it comes to our paths and interrupting scripture, we each have our place and we shall not judge or tempt the other person into doing what God has called them to do. We can only follow our path and share Jesus’s great love with others. Can you imagine being able to walk His path and be as kind and loving as He was when on this earth? It would be so beautiful. Yes, we are sinners and would never be able to be as perfect as He was/is but we can strive every day to live our lives in a way that is pleasing to Him.Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-


I am different. Sometimes my thoughts, actions, clothes, and everything else is not the same as everyone else and guess what? It is okay! I’ve been thinking a lot about this lately. I have raised 4 children that are young adults and each are so incredibly different from one another. They have the same moral compass for the main part but could not be further from the same. Sometimes I find myself questioning this and how it came to be.

The thing is, there are times in my life that I feel like I’m losing an argument because my opinion of something does not conform to the crowd. My opinion vs. theirs does not make either one of us right or wrong- it is how we feel. Why do we do this to each other. I’ve seen pure stubbornness come out to the point that people fight when you can see neither wants to anymore. But the thing is, they know that what they feel is valid and the other person just cannot see so they try to explain in different ways to get the other person to understand. But all that comes out is more frustration because the other person is doing the same. Both are feeling Like the other is understanding and no one is winning.

Why is it so hard to understand the easiest thing to do would be to say- I understand your point of view and mine is different. Both are okay to have and we should not change either just know that we each have a point of view.

One of my favorite quotes by an unknown author is “You don’t have to be like the world to have an impact on the world. You don’t have to be like the crowd to change the crowd. You don’t have to lower yourself down to their level to lift them up to your level. Holiness doesn’t seek to be odd. Holiness seeks to be like God”

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

It is all in how you look at it

Life is so full of ups and downs. There are so many punches thrown our way and it is how we deal with each punch that defines us. Sometimes, it is a simple word. Other times, it may be a physical punch. But most of the time, its the trials that we are facing in life.

A lot starts with our thoughts, which we can control even though it seems so hard to do at times. Do we think the worst possible things? Are we trapped in thinking only bad will come? Or are we trying to look to the future and what that has in store for us. Are we taking each day as it comes?

I was reading in the Pslams today. David struggled so badly with this. He felt God was punishing him for his transgressions. He felt all alone and that so many were out to get him. Through it all he trusted in God, though. He knew that he needed to stay in prayer, praising the Lord, asking for forgiveness and then waiting for the storm to pass.

While David knew so much was going wrong in his life, he never thought this was the end all. He talked to God about all the things that was going on and then asked the Lord to walk with him, to forgive him. It is so powerful to know that someone has your back even if they are not of this world. Having that Holy Spirit living deep inside you is something to give praise to. This was a gift to us when Jesus left this world and I truly treasure it daily. Knowing this, I know I can conquer all the crap that is thrown at me, which lately has been a bit more.

Psalm 145- A psalm of praise of David.

I will exalt you, my God and King,
    and praise your name forever and ever.
I will praise you every day;
    yes, I will praise you forever.
Great is the Lord! He is most worthy of praise!
    No one can measure his greatness.

Let each generation tell its children of your mighty acts;
    let them proclaim your power.
I will meditate on your majestic, glorious splendor
    and your wonderful miracles.
Your awe-inspiring deeds will be on every tongue;
    I will proclaim your greatness.
Everyone will share the story of your wonderful goodness;
    they will sing with joy about your righteousness.

The Lord is merciful and compassionate,
    slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love.
The Lord is good to everyone.
    He showers compassion on all his creation.
10 All of your works will thank you, Lord,
    and your faithful followers will praise you.
11 They will speak of the glory of your kingdom;
    they will give examples of your power.
12 They will tell about your mighty deeds
    and about the majesty and glory of your reign.
13 For your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom.
    You rule throughout all generations.

The Lord always keeps his promises;
    he is gracious in all he does.
14 The Lord helps the fallen
    and lifts those bent beneath their loads.
15 The eyes of all look to you in hope;
    you give them their food as they need it.
16 When you open your hand,
    you satisfy the hunger and thirst of every living thing.
17 The Lord is righteous in everything he does;
    he is filled with kindness.
18 The Lord is close to all who call on him,
    yes, to all who call on him in truth.
19 He grants the desires of those who fear him;
    he hears their cries for help and rescues them.
20 The Lord protects all those who love him,
    but he destroys the wicked.

21 I will praise the Lord,
    and may everyone on earth bless his holy name
    forever and ever.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Why not Why

A few weeks back, I was telling a co-worker how I told a friend that she needs to stop letting her daughter watch 13 Reasons Why. I forgot to mention the part or maybe I didn’t get the opportunity to, where I said to stop until you can watch and have discussion. My co-worker jumped on me and said why do you hate this show so bad? So let me explain.

It is not that I hate the show; I haven’t watched it yet to say that. I know the premise and from what I have heard so far, this is not a show you let a kid just watch. I am really not sure if I will ever watch it. I feel I should to get the full knowledge and understanding but I am afraid of how close to home it will hit.  Let me start by saying Suicide is NeVeR the answer. No, never. Seriously, never. Okay now that I’ve said that. I will admit that when I was in high school, I attempted twice and thought about it probably nonstop.

I was severely bullied from a very young age. While I see the point of understanding the perspective of those who are being bullied, I need to point out both sides of this. You may think your kid is perfect. They are happy and outgoing. Everything is great. Let me tell you that is not always the case. Discussions from both points need to happen when watching a show of this caliber.

My parents are/ were awesome. Don’t get me wrong, we had our parent/ child moments like all kids but they are the most caring people that I know. But they were clueless when it came to all the issues that I was having. They thought I was just shy; later years thought I was nothing but trouble but they did not know the pain I was feeling until the first time I tried to kill myself.

Kids hide this part of them well. They are depressed or stressed to the point that they do not see an answer and are afraid to ask for help. This is sad but truthful and don’t think because you have the most open relationship with your kids that this will be different. They know how to hide this stuff well.

Now on to the points of the 13 reasons. Okay so now that you have had the talk with your kids about how no matter the reason, it is never a good one to commit suicide. Talk to someone, find anyone that can help you, not just a friend. We’d love for it to be us, your parents but whoever you trust that is an adult- talk to them!

13 takes you through a series of people who have made this girl feel awful. Each episode bring you through this. A big point is that maybe just one of these things would never be enough to push someone but all together is too much. So now is the time to talk to your kid about no matter how small it seems to them, it may be huge or the thing that breaks the camel’s back. Do not pick on others, especially if you think it is to fit in. If others are doing it, this person has had enough.

I would tell my kids to be the one to friend that person and show them someone cares but it is not easy for all kids to be that way. Also, you don’t want them to get sucked into a world of drama so a good time to remind them of their values and how to stay true to them no matter what.

As a parent, I have 3 kids that are pretty open with me. 2 for sure. The one, he’s a boy and has a hard time relating everything to me but he doesn’t hold back either. My forth one, however, I have to drag things out of her and I don’t always know what is true. This is a struggle so of course, I have talked to them all about this show. Asked them not to watch unless I do. One admitted to watching the first episode and said several of her friends love it but she thought it was stupid.

As a youth leader, we have also discussed it. I was amazed by how many parents have talked to their kids about it, some said no you will not watch, some said you can watch but we discuss it all, and there was 1 or 2 that didn’t talk to them about it or care what they did with it. We talked about where to go for help and what our beliefs are on the topic. Great discussion.

So there you have it, I am not saying no. I am not saying don’t watch. I am simply saying topics like this one NeEd to be thoroughly discussed.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Life is Interesting

I’ve had a pretty hard life. Some people tell me they don’t know how I do it and honestly many days, I don’t either. I see so many people struggle and have it much worse than me. I praise God for what I do have. I’ve been broken and sometimes wonder when I will break again. I been bullied and scared to the point of I was not sure what tomorrow would bring. I prayed through these times that God would pull me through.

I know that each one of these struggles made me who I am today. Sure I have broken moments but I am so incredibly strong. My heart is so full of love and compassion that I can hardly contain it. I have forgiven many that maybe didn’t deserve forgiveness. I haven’t lost my temper when many would have gone off the deep end at someone. I am strategic in my every word and action. I know these things have made me that way but I am so proud of who I am, who I have become.

I look forward to the person I will continue to grow into. Today has been an interesting day. The first moment that I looked at my phone, I had a message from someone I went to school with. They asked me for my forgiveness on they way they treated me in school. The thing is, I did a long time ago. I learned a long time ago it is better to forgive than to hold on to anger. We had become friends on facebook a while back and I’ve seen who he has grown into. The truth is that for this particular person, I know they were mean to me but not like others so I really couldn’t tell you anything that stuck out. Name calling, maybe blocking me from going somewhere but nothing in comparison to others.

I know that is sad to say. I have forgiven the others as well. There is always the one that I have forgiven and prayed about. Maybe one day, I will finish my book and I’ll actually tell the story but until then you may get a glimpse of this person here and there. Life is funny, you can take those hard times and really live in them. Let them take you down and not recover. OR You can let them drive you to do something. I do believe this is why I am an achiever. I want to prove that I am smarter and can do anything. But I also know that this has made me a person that can handle things in a way that many can’t.

I will always put my trust and faith in the Lord. I am the woman that when the feet hit the floor, the devil says oh crap she’s up. I encourage you to learn what makes you stronger, focus your energy on doing well at it, and show the world you are beautiful from the inside out. Let the Lord shine through you. This is why I write and share.

Much love to you all!

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

David was Bullied & a Sinner

We all know Jesus was bullied relentlessly. I talked about his ultimate bullying session in a blog I did earlier. So you may be asking who is David, if you have never gone to Church or maybe its been a while. David is in Jesus’ ancestry. Even if you have never read the Bible, you may have heard the story of David and Goliath. A synopsis: Goliath was a Giant that not one soldier could take down but David, a small, young boy, who’s belief in God was so strong, was able to defeat him.

David went on to be a King (a very sinful one but yet a strong, strong believer). In Psalm 41, we learn a lot about how David felt though:

Blessed are those who have regard for the weak;
    the Lord delivers them in times of trouble.
The Lord protects and preserves them—
    they are counted among the blessed in the land—
    he does not give them over to the desire of their foes.
The Lord sustains them on their sickbed
    and restores them from their bed of illness.

That is great- We all know that God is for us, if we have regard for the weak. But here is what I find interesting and maybe you will too, if you ever have felt bullied:

I said, “Have mercy on me, Lord;
    heal me, for I have sinned against you.”
My enemies say of me in malice,
    “When will he die and his name perish?”
When one of them comes to see me,
    he speaks falsely, while his heart gathers slander;
    then he goes out and spreads it around.

All my enemies whisper together against me;
    they imagine the worst for me, saying,
“A vile disease has afflicted him;
    he will never get up from the place where he lies.”
Even my close friend,
    someone I trusted,
one who shared my bread,
    has turned[b] against me.

Have you ever turned to God when you felt so alone? When you felt like your enemies are doing nothing but attacking you- spreading vicious rumors that hurt so bad? Let’s read on to how David reacted in his faith:

10 But may you have mercy on me, Lord;
    raise me up, that I may repay them.
11 I know that you are pleased with me,
    for my enemy does not triumph over me.
12 Because of my integrity you uphold me
    and set me in your presence forever.

13 Praise be to the Lord, the God of Israel,
    from everlasting to everlasting.
Amen and Amen.

Wow, so even though he is feeling alone and all are against him, he trusts in the Lord completely knowing that; even though he is a sinner, he is a good man that follows the Lord completely and trusts that He will always be there for him. Amazing, isn’t it? To have the inner strength and knowledge?

Did you know that you can have that same strength? If you feel alone, you are not. If you have been bullied, you are stronger than that situation. You are love and kindness. If it has turned you bitter, you can turn it around and find the way to be an advocate, a leader.  You are stronger than you know. Feel that strength within you to keep going and to do good.

Continue reading “David was Bullied & a Sinner” Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Get Happy

I read this in my HRM book for my Managing class:
In order to help people experience sustained happiness, clinical psycologist Dr Timothy Sharp proposes the CHOOSE model of happiness. To develop and enhance your experience of happiness implement some of these steps:
C=Clarity (of goals, direction, and life purpose): Happy people set clear goals and determine clear and specific plans to ensure these goals become reality. So clarify your life plan now (because no one else will do it for you!) {{funny thing, I was thinking, no one else will set and achieve my goals after TBL the other night, I also realized that there is only One to please and that is God}}
H=Healthy living (activity and exercise, diet and nutrition, and sleep): Health forms a crucial part of the foundation to happiness. It is hard to be happy if you are literally sick and tired all the time. So do whatever you can to be healthy and you will also boost your chances of being happy.
O=Optimism (positive but realistic thinking): There is no doubt that happy people think about themselves, others, and the world differently. Among other things, they search for more positives. The good news is that this is something you can learn to do, so start practicing now.
O=Others (the key relationships in your life): Research strongly indicates that happy people have both more and better quality relationships. So make sure you devote time to developing and fostering your key relationships.
S=Strengths (your core qualities and attributes): Rather than spending all their time trying to fix their weaknesses, happy people spend more time identifying and utilizing their strengths. Find out what you are good at and do it as much as possible.
E=Enjoy the moment (live in, and appreciate the present): The past is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift- that is why they call it the present. Live in the moment and enjoy life more

Look closely at each of these categories. Do you see areas that you can change in your life to choose to be happy? I do believe in every situation we have a choice to laugh or cry (As Rachael Ray likes to reference her grandpa). My question to you is what choice do you want to make? It is good to cry every once in a while and let it all out but so often many cry when they should laugh and move on.

I’ve been working hard recently on these. Technically I started working on some about 2 years ago when I made the choice to be healthier. I struggle in this choice a lot more than I would like to admit but when I make my goals and vision what I want, it makes it a whole lot easier. I love setting goals but even more so I love achieving them.  After all one of my greatest strengths is Achiever.  You will learn more about that in a different blog. Now go out a choose your path- will it be happy?

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Self Worth

This is a tough one. How much do we value ourselves? Do we put ourselves on a pedestal or are we hiding under it because we don’t want the world to see us as the failure that we think we are? In reading Max Lucado’s God’s Promises for you book I came across this one and wow did it spark some thought .

People should think of us as servants of Christ, the ones God has trusted with his secrets. Now in this way those who are trusted with something valuable must show they are worthy of that trust. As for myself, I do not care if I am judged by you or by any human court. I do not even judge myself… The Lord is the One who judges me. 1 Corinthians 4:1-4

Wow for me to not judge myself, what a concept.  You know as people I think we are our own worst judge.  We are consistently thinking about how we could have done better and beating ourselves up for it.  We all try our hardest not to judge others but we do not try not to judge ourselves… It’s tough not to think, I could have done better with this or that. I won’t do well anyway so why even try.

Do not let anyone treat you as if you are unimportant because you are young. Instead, be an example to the believers with your words, your actions, your love, your faith, and your pure life. 1 Timothy 4:12
Wish I would have read when I was young… But even then, I probably would not have understood it’s meaning but through study and meditation on it, I probably could have learned more and made changes earlier.

You know so many times, I think many of us think that the Bible was written before my time and it is so outdated with information. There is nothing that will relate to me or my time so why read it. But in reading these verses, it can relate to us in this time frame. There are so many time that I read a verse and I feel the author wrote it just for me.  I hear God’s voice telling me exactly what is being read and I know that the Bible is no where near outdated no matter what century we are in.

Here is what Max’s notes say on the subject:
“He has made perfect forever those who are being made holy”…
Underline the word perfect. Note that the word is not better. Not improving. Not on the upswing. God doesn’t improve; he perfects. He doesn’t enhance; he completes….
Now I realize that there’s a sense in which we’re imperfect. We still error. We still stumble. We still do exactly what we don’t what to do. And that part of us is according to the verse, “being made holy.”
But when it comes to our position before God, we’re perfect. When he sees each of us, he sees one who has been made perfect through the One who is perfect — Jesus Christ.

Wow so powerful, isn’t it. We are being made perfect not that we are perfect or improving. Changes that whole thought process, doesn’t it? So what to do with this.  Start a list of the good things about you and review them frequently. When something comes up that you want to try- go for it and remember your value. If you don’t do well or get it this time, there is the next time and you just got the opportunity to learn so much more than you knew before!

 Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-