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Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Hello! I am glad that you have stopped by to learn more about this journey I call life. Have you taken a break today? Have you set limits to yourself and family? Are you ready to talk about some hot discussions or maybe just some fun ones?

Sometimes things will get serious- I had a blog called no more judgement that was lost when the hosting company was switched. I am starting over and you will see a category, as well. That is my dedication to help stop bullying. I hate it and believe we can do so much more than we are.

Other topics you will see are my different paths in business, life, thoughts, reading, and so much more. Please feel free to join in on any conversation. I am so happy to have you here.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

The Christian Democrat

So I do not talk politics very often and I strongly believe this is a personal thing so I will not be talking about what I believe in as far as that goes. But I wanted to talk about this post on facebook that I couldn’t figure out why it bothered me so much until now. See I have seen so many posts that are hateful and I end up rolling my eyes or thinking seriously people this isn’t worth breaking friendships over. But I never dwelled on those posts. They make me sad over all and I pray for the people involved but I really do not think twice about them. So why was this one post on election night still bothering me today.

Okay so what was the post? Well it started with someone ranting over the fact that our voting poll is in a Church. Eyeroll here- I mean I know the Church isn’t trying to convert that person and they are just being petty. But then I read the arguments going back and forth. The last one I read really bothered me. It had said that if you step into a school that you vote for the referendum and if you step into a Church, you will vote conservative. All I could think is what?

So I’ve been thinking on this, obviously for 2 days now… And my gut reaction was I know very strong democrats that would never change their mins on something and same with my republican friends/family. But then I started thinking about it all. These people are strong in their beliefs no matter what. They know God and they know what they stand for in politics and they do not mix the two (oh and the misuse of separation of state and religion on that post…)

Anyway, the people I thought about are the ones that don’t know anything about certain policies or maybe the part of government that is being elected. So they are sitting in the school voting and they have no idea what this referendum means so they are like, I like the school, I’ll vote yes to help them out. Okay, so now I get that but still this isn’t about location still. It is truly about making sure that the person voting knows what they are voting for. But I would to believe that even if that person wasn’t sitting in the school, they would have the same thought if they didn’t know much on the subject. I do know its more likely they would in the school than not.

So now the reason that I think this bothered me so much. I think that it bothered me to think that people out there believed you couldn’t be Christian and Democrat at the same time. And how much this could influence others to believe the same. Just because it seems that Republicans are not afraid of the Religion does not automatically make them the only believers. I very much know Democrats that are very strong in the political views, as well as their faith in God. I believe that they would vote Democratic even if they didn’t like the person they were voting for because they are that strong opinionated on the subject. So don’t think that you can’t be Christian if you have a liberal viewpoint. Don’t let the world control you. Put your trust in the Lord and let whatever follows happen. Stepping foot into a Church (you actually only go into the school part, it’s done in the gym and there is an entrance directly into that gym from both side straight to the outside) does not mean you will instantly change into something that you are not.

Be educated on what you are voting for and don’t be afraid of what you believe in no matter what anyone else thinks. And trust me I get the fear of not pleasing others. I wrote this post and fear definitely is there over the backlash that could come from it. I have a lot of posts that I feel that way on but I trust God will get me through no matter what so I continue to post.

Matthew 6:33-34

But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you. “Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Starting Over

This should be such a familiar concept by now. Get off track, gain weight, get out of habits, and then start over again. The will power it takes to start over each time is the hard time. You feel like why bother I’m just going to fail. I’ve always tried to keep my focus on health. At least that was what I told myself for the last 10 years. The 10 before that, I probably would have said it was for vanity reasons. The truth is, at least 1/2 the reason I wanted to work hard was for vanity reasons and honestly those don’t work for me anymore.

I had a recent scare in health, which there is no explanation for and I wouldn’t have thought it to be so major if I wouldn’t have gone into the ER. If I would have waited another day or 2, I probably would have gone through the same motions. Eat clean and I won’t have this episode again but then it would have been forgotten because I wouldn’t have had the unknown pancreatitis that appeared. My doctor believes that it truly was a gallstone that figured it’s way out without needing surgery. Fact is those come back especially if you don’t watch your diet and exercise. And I found out it is a balance between too much and too little.

Of course clean eating is a must. So here I am starting over again but with definitely a new goal in mind. And this time I can tell you, it is truly for my health. Where do I go from here? All I know is it will take one step at a time. Will be working on my Beach Body (stayed tuned- thinking about becoming a coach), starting over in my training for running (again more to come), and eating clean.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Hate for hate

Why does bullying get met with bullying and hate for hate? It is easier, I guess, but it also fuels you and takes up so much room to be angry. How long do you carry it around for? How much does it affect you?

I admit that I meet anger with anger at times. I try to remain positive and “kill them with kindness”. I’ve just seen so many memes and such that is like you mess with me and you will pay type attitudes. Jesus saw some of the worst bullying ever. I can’t even begin to imagine what he felt but He let go of it and overcame it all.

One of my favorite unknown author quotes is:

“You don’t have to be like the world to have an impact on the world. You don’t have to be like the crowd to change the crowd. You don’t have to lower yourself down to their level to lift them up to your level. Holiness doesn’t seek to be odd. Holiness seeks to be like God”

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Perfectionism is killing me

Okay, so not literally but I realized this morning how much it is hurting me. I’m reading this book about shame and perfectionism. You don’t really think about how much this all hurts you, you just do. I am a perfectionist and today I realized all the things that I limit myself on because I know it won’t be perfect. See, I used to clean my house everyday, so great but was criticized for missing an area or not doing something to another’s standards. I was picked on as a kid for running slow (this one, I haven’t overcame as much as I thought). I haven’t tried so many things for fear of failure.

My house, I honestly don’t clean like I used to and many times, I am doing the scramble clean that many of us do. I realized recently that I have been beating myself up for not running and now realize that I am probably running even less because I feel I can’t run. Like my running is all the way back to square run and I failed. I know that this last year has taught me a lot and I have faced fears and went forward to try but part of that was the perfectionism taking over, as well. See I had not missed a run until the taper and that was only because I had to go to another event. I did not plan anything for those Saturdays because I was afraid to run that far on my own. I would have given up much sooner, if I did.

Sunday morning, I knew there was a great chance that I would finish with the injury I had and the pace that it created after. But I could not, not start. I had told everyone that I was running that marathon. I couldn’t let people down but not even starting. After the race, I even thought maybe I shouldn’t say anything about the 1/2 that I have planned in a few weeks, as then I don’t have to do it if I don’t want to. I feel like I’m starting over with everything again and really I should stay focused on the plan (perfectionism- plan it out, if you are going to fail, quit so there is no shame). I hold myself to this standard that is impossible to reach and then give up before failure. I don’t want to be made fun of or even hurt myself by being so disappointed. The thing is, I am so glad that I only did 12 miles on that run. It did teach me a lot. And oh my gosh the support that I’ve had since. It was not a failure, it was just imperfect and that is okay.

Yes, I’m learning this and have a long, long way to go to perfect the imperfect. Sorry bad joke.

Put on then, as God’s chosen ones, holy and beloved, compassionate hearts, kindness, humility, meekness, and patience- Colossians 3:12

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

I was in a marathon

Notice how I say in and not finished. That is right, I didn’t finish. I ran 12 miles before getting on the bus. I am disappointed but yet proud. Three, four years ago, I would have said you are very crazy to even think that I would run a 1/2 marathon, let alone a full one. A little over a year ago, I was in awe of a friend of mine and at the same time thought she was crazy. The same day that she was running the marathon so was another person in my Church. And she had a message that came on the big screen at Church. She was bringing this cause to our Church. I discovered that day how there were children around the world who had to walk an average of 2 miles each way to get water. The water was not usually clean and makes the them and their families sick. They, many times, cannot go to school because they are either walking to get the water or paying for drinking it with illness. But they don’t have a choice. This is their life… except… that World Vision exists. Their goal is to help a village to get wells that provide clean water to all the children there and their families.

So how can I help, run a marathon like this leader was doing. 12 of us signed up from the Church and started this journey. I ran every week 4 days a week. The training got longer and harder. I was in last place the further we ran. I did my first half marathon and that was a struggle but that had a lot more to do with the day than anything. After that was a 14 mile run that I rocked at. Then it seemed to get slower again. I got hurt on the 18 mile run- my own doing. Then the allergies kicked in and I couldn’t seem to get a good run in until the taper. Back to normal. I was feeling pretty good but still nervous about finishing in the 6 hours allowed for the race.

As the days got closer, all I knew was I was going to do what I could. Driving there and the crowds definitely had me nervous but we figured that all out. I got to the Church yesterday morning just fine. It was beautiful and the energy was electric. We sang, prayed, and then gathered for the most amazing clapping to cheer on our team. Amazing. Then our fearless leader said on to Saint Paul and it just got real- 26.2 miles ahead of us. We walked over to the start. I got into the corral and paced a bit while doing some warm up stretches. The first corral was released and then the second one. We were up next and there were a lot of people around me. My plan originally to stick with my 4 min run, 1 min walk. There were so many people around me and I really didn’t want to start walking with them all there.

I ran probably 2 miles before I saw 2 ladies who were doing the same intervals on my training. So when I saw them walking, I gave myself a break finally. Then I did that a bit, not my perfect 4-1 but walked when I felt like I needed a min. I believe this is what hurt me. I ran too much in the beginning and didn’t give myself the breaks that I needed. But the race I did run was exhilarating. Their were kids all along the path that were counting how many high fives they could get. Adorable. There were bands playing and people cheering me for the whole 12 miles that I made it. It was truly an amazing experience. So, yes, I am a little sad, especially when I see my team members telling each other that they are a marathoner. I mean I am so incredibly happy for them for that accomplishment- just sad that I’m not a part of that team. I will be one day, just not now. I am so proud of myself for my 12 miles and bringing 43+ kids clean water. This is what I am passionate about and the whole reason I was even running to begin with. I would have said no to anyone else. I accomplished something so much bigger than I ever thought possible. I will continue training as I have been only starting from the beginning and working on my speed as well as diet to accomplish a better well being. I know that when I work on less sugar, I have less pain which will be what I need to keep going.

Next year- I have a big surprise to my running journey and I’m excited about teaming up again. Not guaranteeing another marathon but will be accomplishing so much more.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Faith not fear

This is such a hard lesson. The “norm” has us wanting to be like everyone else. We want to fit in and fear that we don’t. This leads to other fear and as the punches keep coming, it is hard to stand in faith alone.

I have thought a lot about this on some level over the last 5 years. I talk often about the black cloud that followed me for years. It had consumed me in all that was going wrong and I had no focus on anything going right. It was a really hard life to live in.

I found the light and slowly over a 6 week Bible study found myself coming out of the darkness and sharing that light with everyone. Bad stuff continued over that time of living in the light and eventually, I lost time. I started putting other priorities first. I started saying that my lessons for Sunday School & Youth Group were enough. I had to prepare myself and learn it so that was good enough.

I stopped talking to God as much and eventually that black cloud caught up with me this last year again. It did not consume me but oh how it tried. Fear is there all around us every day. Fear of finishing a marathon has definitely has rode beside me this last year. Fear that my daughter will not find Godly friends and will not find that path that will lead her to a much better place.

Fear that I’m not good enough in anything!- marriage, work, mom…

I’ve returned recently to spending more time in God’s presence. Not that I didn’t talk to him or read my Bible, it was just sparse recently. You start to think you have it all under control (we are not in control) so you just talk and study less- I mean things are going good right?

This study that I’ve been doing has really spoken to me about the broken path and how to get back on the God- given path. About living in faith not fear. Something that really stuck out to me today that brought me to this post is “God does not tells that fear goes away- he tells us to be courageous, live without fear but does not say it won’t be there.” We need to stand up in our faith, live with God (He IS with us All the time), and know fear may be there but through faith (trust), know that God is taking care of it so we do not need to live in that fear.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

Only 14 miles

It is always weird to say that. Two weeks ago, I said only 12 miles. But then those 12 miles were hard. I ran/walked the 18 this last week. My feet hurt so bad and my mind was so done before my body. Getting this high in numbers is definitely a mind game. I do look forward to the 14 that I once dreaded this weekend but I do worry about the week/s that I have had recently. I can’t seem to get above 7 miles on my Tuesday runs and this week because of my feet hurting, I only ran 2.

I’ve been sick with my allergies so that is another hurdle that I have faced. I will run 5 tonight as I’m feeling that I can. It’s fitting through that my reading today brought me to not worrying about the future and focusing only on today. I’ve said that since the beginning of this journey but have found myself so focused on the upcoming weeks. Scared of these bigger miles, scared of my recent weeks and how they will affect me.

I do know I need to take a step back and focus today on the only 5 miles that I will be running and know that is all I need for today. Tomorrow is a different day full of all it’s own trouble as Jesus warned us about each day in Matthew 6:34. So now is the how…

I will bring my focus on what I am thankful for today. What I need to accomplish only for today and my Bible/ conversations with the Lord for today. I will still plan for the things that I need to (hotel stay, paying for the dinner, and things that are a necessity to get there) but only focus on what today’s tasks are.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

I Wish (a note to my daughter)

Some days, I sit here and think about the choices you are making. Yes, all of them but the small ones really. Like when you decide to dress a certain way to impress or feel you can’t leave the house without make up. I want to scream at you (in the most loving way) that you are beautiful the way you are. I want to tell you that you don’t need to wear that to impress some boy.

I wish that I could say, I walked down the path that you have and trust me when I say you don’t need to. I have done things that I am definitely not proud of to impress “the right” people. I’ve only got hurt sweetie. The people who truly love you, love you in what ever you are wearing. They love you with no make up or not having to be someone that you think you should be for them.

People are hard my dear girl and if you spend your life trying to please them, you will feel empty and alone, even if you are with a lot of “friends”. I’d love to tell you that God is the only one who can make you feel not alone and give you the security that you are looking for and that if you could only put your full trust in Him, you would truly understand what that means.

I get how hard that is because I’m still learning how to do that. I have spent so many more years trying to please others and not myself or the Lord that I try to serve. When you find the right person or even friends, they will make you feel like you accomplished something great together, not something dark. They will help you to shine light one to others. They will help you to look at this hurting world and go I need to show others that God does still exist.

They will light up the room when they see you and you will do the same for them because you are full of happiness and not full of trying to please.  When you are so focused on pleasing others, you forget yourself and feel rejected when they don’t do what is expected them to do. It hurts so bad and you don’t see His light shining through, you see hurt and heartache. Again, I wish I could tell you I’ve been there and you understand that it is true. That you could know that just because I am 23 year older than you does not mean that I don’t understand or that today’s world is different.

Yes, hunny, it is. I know it is and it scares me too but it does not mean I haven’t been there. It just means that we each had different struggles to carry. Each may be different but all relative.

I love you my dear daughter. You are very special and you will be a star shining bright for the world. Just know if you are happy with yourself because God made you who you are- very unique, just like me. People may not like you but who cares, God loves you. I love you. That is all that really matters and you let your light shine through who you are sweet child.

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

My first half marathon

Wow, what an experience. I read up so much on things to do while running over the last few months. Nothing you read will truly prepare you for this experience. It was awesome but at the same time for me personally very hard- I’ll tell you why, which I pray that you don’t have to experience that part.  This day starts out the night before really. You always prep for a race the day before. I kept telling myself throughout the day that I need to keep drinking the water.

That evening, we had a spaghetti appreciation dinner and it was about an hour from home. I didn’t get back to town until I pretty much wanted to go to sleep but needed to run to Target yet, as I still had to pick up my energy for the race. When I got home, I double checked to make sure everything was in order for the morning and went to bed. I’m not sure if it was nerves or excitement that kept waking me up but it made for a lesser night of sleep. If someone could please tell me how they sleep before a new or bigger race than you’ve done before, that would be great as I never sleep well before a new one.

I got up at 415 am to get my day started. The plan was to meet a friend and drive in together and as I was preparing to leave, she texted me that she had been sick all night. Okay, so now I run it alone. Well not really because I have over another 100 World Vision runner out there but really at this time, I’m thinking about 1 that I might be able to run with. So I think that because I don’t have to drive that little bit out of the way, I’m good to leave a little later. Regretted that later, as I really didn’t think about the parking…

My daughter came with to cheer me on with the other WV supporters- so awesome! We got there shortly after 630- wanted to be there shortly before. But at least we didn’t miss out on prayer. We took our running groups’ pictures and said prayer. Then off to the bathrooms. I wish I would have realized there would be porta potties just a bit down the road as the lines were long and this made it so when I got out, it was time to go and everyone already had taken place. I looked for the 1 person and couldn’t find her so I settled my self in back by “the last runner” pacer. I figured she had to be the 15 minute mile and I knew I would be good because I’m definitely faster than that. But I was scared to pace myself anywhere else.

The night before, I was told to enjoy it. Pause for a moment and take pictures throughout so I did that. So off we go. I found a nice rhythm.  Around mile 3, I started to see runners on their way back and this is where the amazing starts. Every WV runner out there is cheering every other WV runner on. I’m not kidding. you hear us screaming at each other the whole way. encouraging each other. It was so amazing. I felt like I could do anything and not just because I was being encourage because I wanted to encourage them.

I wanted to seek each one of them out and tell them how great they were doing. I kept running so well. Then there is that stretch between the 2 turn-arounds that it is just you out there running. Because, Siri didn’t like me screaming so much, my music was off. Which this was all okay. I got a lot of time to really think and talk with God. I got excited to see my cheer station at mile 8 and ran on through that to get some water right after. Mile 9 came up next where I took a selfie walking backwards so I could get the number and not stop. Yes, great talent. I took pictures of the river and other views.

Well then, after all the prep that I thought I did, my period decided that I was doing to much and it was going to be more prominent than it had been. It sucked. For 2 miles, that was all I could feel and I sat there questioning what should I do next. I continued on and finished the race. It was in those 2 miles though that I realized my strength. I was tired, messy, rained on, and mentally drained. I turned on my music and said, I’m doing this. I had this amazing crew at the finish line and the announcer was standing right there when I crossed. He heard them cheering me on and called me out by name. It was truly, truly amazing. I ran off to change (which in a porta potty sucks) but it was truly the experience this far.

 

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-

God Speaks

I know I’ve talked about this before. I’ve been struggling a lot with finding time for my Bible lately. Running and strength training has taken up a lot of my spare time. I’ve been extra tired again too. Stressed, to say the least. But fear has been creeping up in a lot of different ways. God keeps talking to me about fear though. When starting the training for the marathon or maybe even during the pre-training, the song Fear, He is a Liar by Zach Williams kind of seemed to be my theme song. Every time that I would hear it, it would speak to me.

The most recent song that has taken over is The Breakup Song by Francesca Battistelli. Another big song on fear. Today, I decide I’m doing my Bible study no matter what and grabbed my Jesus Always  book by Sarah Young. And today’s date is all on fear. How God is with you through all things, has already gone before you, knows all and how you shouldn’t pick up fear as a hitchhiker on the way.

I have been living in fear lately. Fear that I won’t make it in my marathon training. Fear that my one daughter will do something that she can’t come back from. Fear that my oldest will not get it figured out with the future in-laws. And the list goes on.  Sometimes, it feels that if I try to let go and live in the moment that, that is the moment it all falls apart. But you know that is the evil one just working on you. He is telling you that if you don’t live in fear (with him) that all will break. But that is not the truth. God is with you through everything. Every last thing.

A friend of mine recently gave me encouragement for my runs that when focusing on the children in Africa isn’t working to focus on how Jesus gave his all for us on that cross. It is a whole nother level when it comes to imaging great power to get through.  I always end up saying, God this is you, this is your work, please help me to finish it for you.

Lord- you took up the cross, which I’m sure was scary- at least for most people it would be down right terrifying but you did this in our honor. Help me to take up my own crosses of fear that I’ve been facing and know you are beside me so there is nothing to fear. Be with anyone reading this right now struggling with their own fears to feel your love inside of them. Thank you for being so strong and mighty and going before us as you do. In your Name, Amen

Sending All My Love!
Now tell me your story-